| Meep. |
[09 Jan 2004|04:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
GET FUCKING BRITNEY SPEARS OUT OF MY HEAD |
] |
I kinda abandoned this LJ for awhile didn't I.
Well..I kinda abandoned everything for awhile.
Don't get me started on ASP. **strangles**
Don't get me started on Bob and Janie either.
Anyway...
Not much to say.
Still haven't asked out Jon, planning on it this weekend.
1Asphost has decided to be lovely and block hotlinking, thus down goeth my background. I couldn't bear looking at the fucking default image thing any longer, so I have no background currently.
May as well take this as my opportunity to change my journal around, gotta make a background first though.
Then I'll use the LJ Icon Chibi made.
My shop and userlookup have gone to hell, but I can't be bothered with it.
Been working on a new set for meself =D
Lotsa stuff on me mind...
Don't really feel like LJing lately...
Will get back to you soon with a real entry.
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| Ah...fucky. |
[02 Jan 2004|03:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Enigma - The Principles Of Lust |
] |
Ok so my toe problem has gotten worse -_- for the past week or so, my second toe on my right foot has been kind of numb, like it's halfway asleep, no pins and needles, just numb, like it's been injected with novacain. Now the toe next to it (third toe) is the same, they feel cold to me, but they're not (if I touch them they're the same temperature as my other toes, but on their own they feel cold. It's freaking me out.
New years eve was fun. I still haven't asked out Jon, the time just hasn't felt right yet. But now Jonah, Angela, and Marcus know.
By the way, to see pics of Jon and Marcus and the rest of my friends, (and pics of me too!) go to my pictures thread on Anarchy.
Gah. Faders..so many.
I love making them, but I got busy in my real life, and they piled up on me O_O I'll get them done though...
I dreamt about chocolate ice cream last night.
Oh! I'm going to go to the Linkin Park concert in Nashville, TN on Febuary 29th or die trying! And Josh is gonna be there (xX Drk Crw Xx) so that will be wickedy.
I'm going out again tonight..more pics to take!
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| Insert an interesting title here... |
[29 Dec 2003|08:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Madonna ~ One More Chance |
] |
My life has been uninteresting. My damned digital camera eats up batteries like nobodie's business, and right now I can't afford to buy a battery charger/rechargable batteries, so for now I have lithium batteries which last longer than regular ones. I'm also forcing myself to stop playing with the camera so godamned much.
Eventually when I stop being so lazy I'll stick all of my pics into a page so everyone can see them.
I've been manically making faders.
I basically only go to PPT now for my request board, I avoid the rest of the site.
Neopets is beginning to bore me again. It's just so much WORK. Restocking and pricing my shop and playing games...for what? It's not even fun any more.
I've been doing this 'tough-love' thing to my friends. Basically I quit the bullshit and tell them how life is and that they need to shut the fuck up and deal with it. It's working out quite well for me.
Uhhhh.......I can't think of anything to write.
I'm going to change my LJ layout really soon. Background and icon will be changing, perhaps colours as well.
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[29 Dec 2003|08:52pm] |
YEAAHH BABY! You know it ;)
..**shuts up**
My actual plans for world domination involve a lot more rape and everyone's left shoe.
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| CHRISTMAS TIME |
[25 Dec 2003|09:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Madonna ~ Love Profusion |
] |
My Christmas Eve afternoon was spent at the madhouse also known as WalMart. And then wrapping presents. Did I mention that at that time I had been up about 30 hours? We got my grandmother (Meme) a teakettle, my Aunt Cindy some lotion and a thing for her kitchen, my cousin Jamie and his wife Hedi some wine glasses, my sister Tiffany some makeup, my brother Jeff Enough on DVD, Hedi's brother Pourija a necklace (it's very difficult to shop for a 16 year old guy that you've never met) my niece Veronica a CareBear, my nephew Jeremy a little horse that he can pull around, and we got myself my digital camera. By the time I went to bed I had been up 33 hours.
Christmas morning arouse cold and quiet. I got online for awhile, and Erin had flooded my inventory with presents. **hugs her** I didn't stay on long, I spent the rest of the day on the couch watching TV.
We went to Cindy's at 4 P.M. Slowly everyone arrived and we ate. Lasagna and spicy penne pasta. My family eats so much Italian food, and we're not even a bit Italian. Then we got to open presents. Youngest to oldest. I got...
Gerald's Game by Stephen King from Jeff
William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet on VHS from Cindy
Digital Camera from my parents
Underwear from Cindy
Princess Of Ireland Barbie from Cindy
$20 from Cindy
$50 from Meme
A bracelet from Meme
A stocking full of stuff from Cindy
Normally after we open presents we play a trivia game (we use the questions from the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire board game. We ask questions, and for each right one, we get to open one of the wrapped presents in our stocking. Whoever gets them all open first gets the grand prize. But Jamie had the flu, so we skipped that. Normally we do all of this getogether on Christmas Eve evening. After presents we had dessert, and we all sat around for awhile and talked and such. It was nice.
Well. Let me tell you about Pourija. He's my cousin's wife's little brother. He's 16. He's Iranian and Muslim. He's from Germany. He's shy and he wants to be a pilot. Did I mention that he's hot? And has the hottest accent. Loook!
That isn't too good of a pic of him, but it's the only one I've got. **dies** Yup, this is me with a crush on my...second cousin in law once removed? Something like that. **pathetic**
I'm so tired though. I just need to go to sleep.
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| The other party |
[23 Dec 2003|10:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Carol Of The Bells |
] |
Another party tonight. I didn't even find out about it untill yesterday afternoon. This one was at Ben's and was very informal. Ben came round and picked me up around 6:30 P.M. and then swung by Angela's (she lives 3 houses down) so that she could follow him (his house is hard to find, I've been there loads of times and I'm still not quite sure where it is)
When we got there, Jonah and Quinton were outside playing basketball. We left them there and went inside. Ben's mom started the gas logs in the living room and Angela and I warmed ourselves. The house was decorated so nicely. My hands got toasty, but so did my silver bracelet, it got so hot that it burned me, but it was funny. I kept saying that next my rubber bracelet would melt.
Others arrived. Most of the guys stayed outside playing basketball, and the rest of us ended up in Ben's basement. Mark and Dustin played Othello, and Matt and Angela played air hockey. I sat down on the futon and Ben gave me his laptop and his CDs and put me in charch of the music. I opened MS Paint and had fun "fingerpainting" That's the only thing the little touchy-mouse thing is good for. Marcus came in and sat by me and listened to his discman. He's dating Christina now.
When everyone was finally there, we all went to the family room and played a game. We each got a piece of paper with pictures on it, each one represented a christmas carol, and we had to name them. Chelsea won (by one point, I came in second) and so she won a little lava lamp. Then we all got to do our own thing again.
There was snacks and such, and I made a graveyard (Cherry Coke, Sprite, and Mountain Dew) Ben's parents were watching some christmas movie, and a couple of people sat down in there. Some of the guys went to play basketball again. Some played XBox. I went back down to the basement. Dustin and Jon were playing Risk. I had never played before, so I sat by Jon **giggles** and watched. Christina and Chelsea were playing air hockey, and Chelsea kept breaking things accidently.
Then it was gift time. We went back to the living room, and there was another game. Two pairs racing to wrap a box against eachother, with each person only allowed to use one hand. I didn't participate, neither did Angela. It was fun to watch, because Jonah got all insane. Christina and Chelsea won. After that we played Dirty Santa.
We all sat in a circle (this time I was already sitting, and Jon came and sat by me :-D) with the presents around us. One by one we each picked what we wanted. Then going backwards around the circle, we could choose to keep what we had, or steal from someone else. Finally we were done and opened them. My gift was a silver pillar candle on a little stained glass/iron candle stand. I love it. Then Ben gave us all a HUGE peppermint stick.
By then it was time to go. Angela took Jonah and me home. And we gossiped the whole way. Mostly about Joe and why April dumped him, and how pathetic he is.
Anyway. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. So much shopping left to do, and so many presents to wrap.
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| Jon, the party, the dreams... |
[22 Dec 2003|11:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rebecca St. James ~ O Holy Night |
] |
Before you ask...
I did not ask Jon out.
I just couldn't do it.
More on that later...
Know how when you're sick you have really really odd dreams? Well the night before last I dreamt that the little girl from Matrix Revolutions was with me. But she was Dora The Explorer. And like Dora has all those weird stars. Well, this little girl in my dream had all these weird clouds. They were alive. Each one had a different symbol, like the CareBears. She was stacking them in an alleyway like you stack the Warfs in that Neopets game.
Strange.
Well. Yesterday was messed up. Things just kept going bad. I cried a lot. For one thing. I realized, or maybe I just finally admitted it to myself. Anyway, I still love Fergus. I can't help it. It's probably because I'm so thankful. He was the first person to ever make me believe I was loved, that I was special, that I was cared about. And I don't just mean in that boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way. I mean the first person ever, not even my family or friends had ever made me feel loved like that. Even if he didn't even mean it, I'm still thankful. And because of that, I can probably never stop loving him.
Things did get bad yesterday, but I survived, and ended up napping on the couch most of the afternoon. I woke abruptly at 5 p.m. and realized I needed to get ready for the party.
When my dad pulled up in the parking lot to drop me off. Guess who the first person I saw was. Jon. He was going out to his dad's car to get something.
Everything was so festive. But my fever was up, and I felt out of place. It's quite sad that even amongst the people I'm closest to in life, these people that I consider friends...more like...family almost, I've known alot of them as long as 5 and a half years, it's sad that even amongst them, I still feel out of place sometimes. Stupid social phobia...
Jon's oldest sister and her two babies were there. Jon is so good with his nephews. He'd make a great dad someday. There was loads of good food, but I barely had an appetite. Poor Jon could barely eat either. But only because just as he was about to eat, a 4 year old punched him in the crotch. We all laughed so hard.
Us teens ended up eating on the couches. There were these two small loveseats. Jonah and Quinton sat on one, and I was already sitting on the other, so Jon sat next to me. Then Ben came and wanted to sit down, so Jon scooted closer to me, and Ben sat on the other side of him. That was nice. And for awhile after Ben got back up, Jon stayed next to me.
I was complaining about being sick, and I said to Jon "Feel my forehead." So he did, **giggles** and he goes "You're hot." **screams** His hands were cold, and he said "I'm cold." I felt like yelling "You're hot too!" Ok...anyway...
The problem? I like him more and more and more now. It was the first time I'd seen him since I had the dream. He's such a geek, he has no sense of fashion. But that's why I love him. And I love his family. His dad is so funny and cool. His mom is so sweet. I don't like his sister much, but I like her a hell of alot more than my own sister. I've barely met his other sister, so I can't say much there.
The problem is that I could barely look at him. I wanted to stare at him for hours, and yet I couldn't. It's so hard to explain. The other problem was that I couldn't catch him alone. And if I had asked him to step aside with me or something, I just know Jonah or Quinton would have made a big deal out of it.
Anyway, I had loads of fun. Afterwards, when people were starting to leave, we all went into the parkinglot. Marcus' grandmother had given all the teens a little pen and post-it notes set each. Jonah and Matt stuck theirs all over Dustin's car. Christina ruined it though, by pulling them all off when she saw them. She's such a flirt. Marcus was totally flirting with her. She was flirting back, and I'm fine with that.
I saw alot of people that I hadn't seen in ages, some in over a year, and they all kept telling me how much weight I had lost. It was nice.
Finally we were leaving. I made the mistake of telling Jonah about Jon. And he was like "What is up with you? You've had a crush on like EVERY guy?" He's kind of right, but not EVERY guy. There's one or two I haven't crushed yet -_- Yes, thank you Jonah, I was already fully aware of how stupid and silly I am.
Jonah's mom had to go back in to get something, and she's like my mom, it takes her ages. So then, I was in the backseat, Jonah was in the driver's seat, the heat was on and the car was warm. Jon jumped in the passenger seat. This should have been my chance. But the music was loud, and I didn't want to have to yell to be heard. I just couldn't do it.
Then Jonah's mom got back and we left. Jonah is so sweet to his mom. On the way to my house, he said "Chass, did you know that I love my mom." and I said "Yes, I knew that. Did yolu know that I love your mom too?" His mom is so sweet, she was sicker than I was, but she looked so happy right then. She said "It's a nice feeling to be loved." and she's right. It is. When they were dropping me off, I said "Merry Christmas!" and they both said it back. As I walked up the stairs to the house, I started crying. I was so happy.
Mom gave me cold medicine and pain medicine as soon as I got in the door, and not long later, I went to bed.
Again, another weird sick dream. Keep in mind that I have yet to see a single LOTR film, and I barely remember the books. Well. In my dream, Legolas was in my back yard. He had this sword, and it was magical. He used it to open a bottle of Sprite, and the bottle turned to silver. Then he touched a piece of cardboard, and it turned into gold. Then he touched my neighbours dog, and the dog grew to 3 times it's original size...big enough to jump the fence. I got pissed at him then, because now I had a stupid huge dog in my yard. And I had to explain to my neighbour what happened to their dog. "Oh an ELF did it!" ...
BTW...Secret Santa!! WHOOT!! I love my set (despite the mispelling) and the person whom I made a set for loves it, so all's good.
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| Being sick sucks |
[21 Dec 2003|02:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Aerosmith ~ I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing |
] |
My sleeping pattern is now incredibly fucked up from being sick. Seems like all I want to do is sleep, but I never seem to sleep more than a few hours at a time. So I sleep a few hours, wake up for a few hours, and then sleep a few hours, and so on and so forth.
I'm all stuffed up, and there's no humidity in my room, and I spend all my time in here. It's kind of funny. As soon as I go in another room I feel 10 times better, but then I come back in here and it's bad again. And the humidifier is broken.
Christmas party is tonight at 7 P.M. Jon will be there. Nyssa is making me ask him out. So I'll be like "Jon, this girl in Georgia is making me ask you out." He'll think I've flipped my lid, but maybe that's for the best.
As for how I'm spending my time, more and more of it is spent on Anarchy. Things are really picking up. I still go to PPT, and check a few boards, but I don't really post. I go to Neopets and do my dailies, I restock a little, and maybe whenever my shop gets full I'll price it. I should be playing games.
Moogie loves me.
My thoughts are erratic.
I do read people's LJs, I promise I do, I just can't be bothered to comment like I should.
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| Blah. |
[18 Dec 2003|04:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Shakira ~ Fool |
] |
So ok.
I was just getting ready to lie down this morning when Tiffany came in. I heard her and thought mum was up, so I went to seek painkillers. When I saw mum wasn't up, I woke her up and got painkillers anyway. Tiffany felt my head and told me I had a fever. She thought it was flu (both her kids and her boyfriend managed to get it) I thought it was amkidney infection (it felt like one, and I have alot of experience in that area) my mum thought it was just my period.
Tiffany wanted to start getting her stuff out of my room, so I layed down and talked to her while she did that. Then she left and fell asleep. A few hours later she came back with her boyfriend to get more stuff. I managed to sleep through most of it. Then they were finally gone and I fell right back asleep.
I ended up sleeping all afternoon, and by the time I got up I was feeling alot better, but still not up to going out, so I stayed in.
The rest of the evening was uneventful, mum and I went to get milkshakes, and the guy that waited on us was gay, and he was flirting. Ok. Why do gay guys flirt with girls? It's kind of depressing, especially when they're hot, and they usually are.
I also bought some Jelly Belly jeally beans. I discovered the hard ways that those don't mix well with milk shakes. It got even worse when I accidently popped a coffee-flavoured one into my mouth. UGH I hate coffee. I felt sick after that.
My connection wouldn't connect for some odd reason, so I lay down for awhile and read. Then it decided to connect and all was good.
More uneventfulness...and now me here typing.
Fool
Tell me lies,
Slap me on the face,
Just improvise,
Do something really clever,
That'll make me hate your name forever.
You might swear,
You'd never touch a lady,
Well let me say,
You're not to far from maybe,
Everyday you find new ways to hurt me.
But I can't help it if I'm just a fool,
Always having my heart set on you,
Till the time you start changing the rules,
I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes.
A....fool.
God resigned from hearing my old story,
Every night, I'm paying hell for glory,
I'm embarrassed but I'm much more sorry,
All this pain, begins to feel like pleasure,
With my tears, you'd make a sea of desert,
Salt my wounds and I'll keep saying thank you.
But I can't help it if I'm just a fool,
Always having my heart set on you,
Till the time you start changing the rules,
I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes.
A....fool.
But I can't help it if I'm just a fool,
Always having my heart set on you,
Till the time you start changing the rules,
I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes.
A...fool.
I can't help it baby, a....fool.
I can't help it baby, a....fool.
I can't help it baby, a....fool.
I can't help it baby, baby, a....fool.
I'm a fool...I'm a fool...
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| OW |
[17 Dec 2003|06:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing right now |
] |
Ow Ow Ow Ow
Oh dear god my back hurts.
Ok so I was fine, I just had a bit of a headache. Then I realized aunt flow had come. **watches as the guys flee** I was still fine. Then my very lower back started to ache. I endured, my headache was still there, but not so bad.
The pain got worse, moving up my back. The headache got worse. I could not find a comfortable position.
It just got worse, now my hips, and most of my back hurt so bad that I'm nearly in tears.
So I'm going to go lie down.
I'm going out tonight with the 'friends' or whoever they are. I plan to flirt with Jon.
Must go now.
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| YES!!!!!!!! |
[15 Dec 2003|08:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shakira ~ The One |
] |
TIFFANY IS MOVING OUT!!!!
She should be out within the next few days!
And this time she IS NOT COMING BACK!
Mom won't let her.
Mom has already said that if all else fails (meaning, if Tiffany can't pay her rent or something) that she'll just have to go to a shelter.
All of her shit will finally be out of my room, I'll have my life back.
No more kids getting into everything, no more Tiffany stealing my clothes, no more Tiffany being nosy, no more insulting me.
I'M SO HAPPY.
Aside from all that.
Some idiot on Neopets just can't get it through her head that my gallery items are NOT FOR SALE. I told her that it wasn't for sale and that's why I proced it over 100k. And she's like "well then could u make it lower to the price that i can afford" and I'm like "You don't understand, I want to KEEP it."
**rolls eyes**
Stupid phone keeps ringing.
Veronica named the brown puppy 'Sandy' but I want to call it Graham Cracker.
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| OH MY GOD. |
[15 Dec 2003|08:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jewel ~ Don't |
] |
OH MY GOD! Smacking myself in the face is NOT making it go away!
I came to a startling realization.
And it won't go away.
I DO have a crush on Jon! -_-
WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON JON?!
Someone please make it go away.
Like, ok. I've known him..what..a year and a half? It seems longer. But I know alot about him, and he and I have a ton in common. Why did I never open my eyes before and see it? Why now?
I mean like, Marcus is hot, but I barely know him, I know barely anything about him. He's young. Granted Jon is only 16, but Marcus is 15, it's a big difference to me. I think that with Marcus, I did what I do too often, I fell for him because he flirted a little.
I feel foolish, because it DIDN'T hit me like a normal crush, one day he's just Jon, I had never thought of him as more than just Jon, and then I have this weird dream, and it freaks me out, and then later, I'm not even thinking about him and BOOM it hits me. I do like him.
Grr.
Know how I have problems with guys named Michael. Three guesses what Jon's middle name is. -_-
Well...one of them. He has two. Only person I know of with two middle names.
Jonathan Steven Michael Kelly. Kelly is such a cool last name. Irish ;)
God I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to feel this strongly, about anyone really. I think most of it is just SHOCK at myself for feeling like this.
God, I can't think of anything else to say.
This song..
the lyrics cannot convey the pure emotion in her voice, paired simply with acoustic guitar.
Don't
Don't walk too close,
And don't breathe so soft,
And don't look so sweet,
And don't sing,
And don't lay oh so near,
Please don't let me fall in love with you again.
Please let me forget all those sweet smiles,
All of the passion,
All of the heat, the peace, the pain,
And all those blue skies where your words were my freedom,
Please don't let me fall in love with you again.
Too many times,
I've cared too much,
I stood on the edge,
And I saw that you held my hand,
And knowing too well,
I couldn't hide from those eyes,
Please don't let me fall...
Pleaaaaase don't let me fall in love with you...again.
|
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| FUDGE! |
[14 Dec 2003|02:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
DJ Sammy ~ Heaven |
] |
Toldya I would make it! And it is DEVINE! **gets fat**
I'm becoming a bit reclusive again, played hookey the other day, am going to play hookey again tomorrow. I just can't be bothered.
I GOT THE COOLEST BOOK!
LOOOK
And I only paid 2 bucks for it! Brand new! GO DOLLAR GENERAL STORE!
Trav had Altoids, and he's like "they're just mints" and I'm like "curiously strong mints!"
I'm hyper, can ya tell?
Us in the chat had a keyboard cleaning party, I even vacuumed mine.
We did get some snow, but not enough to stick very well. A dusting tis all. Oh well.
Mum is being mysterious. We agreed that she was getting me a digital camera for Christmas, and now she says she's getting me something else secret too. But she won't give me any clues! **goes nutty**
Ok. I'm confused, and I have a good reason.
About halfway through the day I remembered one of my other dreams. **cries**
My friends and I were in this like cafeteria, with a bunch of other people. There was a bully picking on everyone. My friend Jon was the first person to finally stand up to him and tell him off. Everyone started applauding because he was the hero. Well, while they were clapping, I went up to him and hugged him, and then kissed him.
Why.
Did.
I.
Kiss.
Jon?
I've never thought about Jon in a kissing way before. I have crushes on Marcus and Gavin, but I don't even remember seeing either of them in my dream.
And the more I think about it, what reason do I have to not like him? I'm so confused. **dies**
I dunno when I'll go to bed, soon though. I still haven't managed to get a bloody calzone!
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| stuff |
[13 Dec 2003|06:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Madonna ~ You'll See |
] |
DO IT DAMMIT! (it's so neat **grins like an idiot**
It's 6:17 a.m. and can you believe it, I actually slept at NIGHT like a 'normal' person. I woke up a few times during the night and because the window is next to my bed, peekd out of it. Didn't find what I was looking for, and it still isn't there. **glares at sky** YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO START SNOWING AT 2 A.M. YOU STUPID SKY!!
Aside from all of that. Would you believe me if I said we still hadn't made the stupid fudge? We would have yesterday, but stuff came up, and then I ended up passing out around 7 P.M.
I had some rather strange dreams last night. One involved intering my room to discover that zoo animals had been traipsing across it, they broke the window at one end, entered, and exited by breaking through the window oppisite. I remember elephants, and pigs too, there had to be other animals too (and I've never seen a pig at a zoo) It turns out my room was in the middle of their migratory path and instinct told them to bust through it. They left a 'mess' behind too.
Other dream. I was at wal-mart and feeling slightly feverish, I kept buying weird groceries, and as I was checking out, I kept going back for more. The casheir was weird too, she was opening my chips and eating them. Then I was done but I didn't know where my mom had parked, so I left my stuff inside and went to look for her, it was raining, and suddenly the parking lot became a cemetary, and wal-mart dissappeared, then this creepy guy kidnapped me.
The other dreams were just as weird, but were much longer and harder to explain.
Anyway.
READ THE LYRICS DAMMIT (I may have posted these before, but I love them so bloody read them already!)
You'll See
You think that I can't live without your love,
you'll see.
You think I can't go on another day
You think I have nothing
without you by my side.
You'll see, some-how, some way.
You think that I can never laugh again,
You'll see.
You think that you've destroyed my faith in love.
You think after all you've done,
I'll never find my way back home.
You'll see, some-how, some-day.
First Chorus:
All by myself,
I don't need anyone at all.
I know I'll survive,
I know I'll stay alive.
All on my own,
I don't need anyone this time.
It will be mine,
No one can take it from me.
You'll see
You think that you are strong but you are weak,
You'll see.
It takes more strength to cry,
Admit defeat.
I have truth on my side,
You only have deceit.
You'll see, some-how, some-day.
Second Chorus:
All by myself,
I don't need anyone at all.
I know I'll survive,
I know I'll stay alive.
I'll stand on my own,
I won't need anyone this time.
It will be mine,
No one can take it from me.
You'll see
You'll see
You'll see
You'll see
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| Replying.. |
[12 Dec 2003|03:41am] |
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Tears For Fears ~ Mad World |
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So it seems the anti-PPT bitches have found my LJ. I sure hope they're reading this post then.
I find it absolutely hilarious that you all hide behind 'friends-only' posts, and then come onto my public LJ and bitch.
My life is an open book, I'm certainly not going to hide behind private entries to avoid anyone that doesn't like me.
I taught myself a LONG time ago not to give a shit what other people thought about me. It's a survival mechanism, if I beat myself up every time someone didn't like me, I would have beaten myself to death by now.
I just fail to see the whole point in it. PPT does NOT have cookie grabbers. It may have a bit of harmless spyware, and the administrators never said that it didn't. What do you hope to gain in all of this? What is your ultimate goal? Getting PPT shut down? How exactly would it benifit any of you?
I can certainly see how it might benifit soup-faerie.com. Without PPT, more people would go there. What of the rest of you? I suppose you plan to shut it down just out of spite? So you can say you accomplished something?
Or perhaps you want to sue PPT? For what reason? Emotional distress from the 16 'death threats'? Wow! Some kid on the internet said they wanted to hurt me, MOMMY HOLD ME I SCARED! What I find most hilarious is that you all claim to have proof of this, proof of that, and yet none of you seem very willing to actually SHOW your proof.
Continue with your little scare tactics to scare people away from PPT. We have more than enough members, a few losses won't hurt us a bit.
Did you ever consider this? If people don't want to or are afraid to go to PPT, then they don't HAVE to go to PPT. No one is putting guns to people's heads and forcing them to go.
And if PPT is so damned dangerous, then why do you people keep going there and stirring up trouble? You're risking the 'cookie-grabbers' and 'dangerous spyware' to go tell us off? Interesting...
And why do you CARE so much? You obviously hate us, so leave us to die from spyware exposure in our lovely little PPT world.
ANYWAY.
Aside from all of that, I do have a BIT of a life.
I played hookey on wednesday night and stayed in, but I did get my book back from Jonah. My skirt is still in his car though. Mom and I went out and got the stuff to make fudge, on the way home we saw a racoon.
It was about to cross the street, at first I think we both thought it was a cat, but then we saw what it was and started pointing. It saw us and turned and ran, it was so FAT. That's the first time I had ever seen a racoon around here. We used to get opossums in the winter, but I haven't seen any in a few years. My mom said she saw a red fox in a cemetary once.
We were gonna make the fudge when we got home, but mom was too tired. She gets tired too easily. It was getting late anyway. Nothing interesting, except the Feepit.
We didn't make the fudge today either, my fault this time, because I ended up sleeping all day. Mom says she'll make me get up at a decent hour so we can make it.
Oh yea, the dog had puppies. She had them wednesday evening. Three. One is solid black, one is solid dark brown, and one has rottweiler markings (like the mom). It's my stupid sister's fault the dog got knocked up in the first place. **gets sister spayed** now maybe she'll stop getting knocked up too.
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| PPT fiasco. |
[10 Dec 2003|07:55am] |
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Groove Coverage ~ God Is A Girl |
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Well bitterness and jealousy never end? If you haven't read Yukio's post on the PPT news, do so.
Here's my inside scoop (copied from an AIM conversation where I was telling someone):
ok, i first heard about it in the chat
the owner of soup-faerie.com got all jealous of PPT's popularity and started spreading rumours about PPT having cookie grabbers and dangerous spyware
well, theres some whore on the battledome neoboard with a almost 4 year old account that started in on it as well, she keeps saying she isnt affiliated with hippiechick/heather (the owner of soup-faerie) but wherever one is, they both are
she kept making boards slandering PPT, and when PPT members showed up to defend the site, their posts were getting deleted, it was getting clear she seemed to have the neopets team wrapped around her little finger, especially when anyone that reported her got warnings
janobi even got frozen (he's a mod on PPT) and after that he even resigned from PPT
a couple of other PPT members got frozen as well
her beginning claim was that PPT had used a cookie grabber to steal one of her accounts
first of all
Adam himself goes to PPT
he posts and everything (he doesnt follow the rules though lol)
as well as other members of the neopets team, if PPT could steal accounts, dont you think they'd go for someone cooler than her?
she seems to be a goddess among the neoboard people, anything she said, they went along with
a bunch of her little friends started saying that as soon as they joined PPT they got viruses and trojans on their computers
but noone had any proof
well, actually the bitch claimed that a PPT moderator (they have so little power anyway) had said on the neoboards that PPT had spyware
big whoop, lots of ad supported sites do
and everywhere she was, hippiechick was right beside her, and yet they both claimed they werent conspiring
it continued and continued, the bitch kept making boards, and her little friends kept making boards, PPTers were making boards about it on PPT, but the mods were locking the boards because it was getting out of hand
it gets worse, the bitch starts claiming that PPT was covered in death threats to her (she also claimed some of the threats were made by mods), and that she was going to sue them,
all the threads on PPT about her were searched and not a single threat was found, the closest was at the end of an apology by alexandra where she said in a joking way "death to lilangel :-D"
hippie just kept talking about getting them shut down (plus she's now copying PPT's shit for her own site, so that people dont have to risk going to PPT to get info) so Cyanna was asking her what threads the death threats were on, but she wouldnt say, she said she had screenshots of them to show to the neopets team, and a forum member (this was all happening on the neoboards) asked to see the screenshots, she kept making exuses not to show them
because there are no screenshots, she's just making shit up to turn people against PPT
Ok. I got all that out of my system and into one place.
She wants death threats? I'll give her a death threat.
Miss Angel? When my plans for world domination come together, you'll be the first person I kill. Hippiechick will be the second person I kill. As for the third. I do believe the third will be my ex-boyfriend.
All that aside.
I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I'm like 80% certain I'll play hookey tonight. I just don't want to go out. Plus I don't know when I'll sleep.
I'm gonna start gaining weight again I bet. It sucks. I had managed to lose all this weight without even trying, often wishing I would stop losing weight. Then I do stop. And it seemed that I had stopped at a good size. I seem to be putting more on though, just in the past month or so. Dammit.
It's like, I feel hungry when I know I'm not...well..more like, I start getting cravings when I'm already full.
Anyyyway.
I'll live. I'll sleep. I'll eat. I'll live.
My hands are cold.
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| Oy vey... |
[08 Dec 2003|08:03pm] |
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Linkin Park ~ Papercut |
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What Do You Wear to Bed?
Brought to you by Faytrial
I do not! Well...except for naps..
Anyway...it's been awhile hasn't it?
I went back to PPT on saturday. Went and hung out on Sunday. I sat next to Marcus, but only cause it was the only empty seat. And I looked good. Tight shortsleeved knit black scoopnecked top. My black ribbon choker. A short black skirt. My black kneehigh socks with the silver stars on the back of the calves, and my clunky black leather shoes. Plus all the rest of my jewelry.
Anyway, I really couldn't stay as long as I originally planned. I ended up getting cold though, luckily I had brought jeans with me, and I changed into them. On the way home I ended up accidently leaving my skirt and my book in the backseat of Jonah's car. Oh well.
I spent the rest of Sunday just lazing around, surfing, etc.
Around 7 or 8 P.M. I got offline and layed down to read a book. I ended up finishing it, it was weird because the entire stoy was told through e-mails and IM logs, but god, it was so fiction. They could have at least made it seem more real, hell, they used more chatspeak in the e-mails than they did in the IMs.
After I finished I ate some dinner, this was around 11 P.M. I tried getting back online, but the connection was down, so I watched Queer As Folk. Mmm. Gay guys. I started feeling sick though. Really nauseous, and like I was having trouble breathing. I thought about waking mom up, but I didn't want to, so I went to bed.
I started reading Delores Claiborne, and I kept thinking if I could just fall asleep that I'd be fine. I eventually turned out the lights and tried, but I just kept feeling sicker and sicker. Finally I woke up mom. I was crying, it's funny, when I'm sick, all I want is my mommy. We were luckily standing outside the bathroom door. She said she'd see if she had anything for nausea. But it was too late, next thing I know, I'm running for the toilet. I barely made it, and up came my dinner. It was disgusting and I'll spare you the details. At least I felt better after that. Mom told me to drink a 7-Up and go to sleep. I did. I slept forever it seems, like 13 hours.
Woke up feeling better, mom had just gotten back from the grocery store. We talked some, and then I tried my computer, the connection was working. And here I am.
My god! Neopets os sooo slow. How the hell am I supposed to restock? My connection is fast, but Neopets is going as slow as 56k.
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| WARNING: RANT AHEAD! |
[05 Dec 2003|09:56pm] |
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Jack Off Jill ~ Strawberry Gashes |
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This is a rant.
Ok.
I believe in open-mindedness.
I believe in equality.
I do not believe in judging someone based on race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, etc. etc.
I do not believe in racial slurs.
I do not believe in slurs at all.
To me saying "That is so gay." is a slur.
I am fully aware that it may not bother EVERY gay or bisexual person on the planet. But I have met quite a few that ARE bothered by it. Just like not every person of a specific race is bothered by specific racial slurs. All people are different. That still does not make it right.
I do not believe that if someone uses a homiphobic slur that they are homophobic. I do not believe that if someone uses a racial slur that they are racist. That still does not make it right.
I believe that if someone specifically asks you not to use those types of slurs, you should accept it and move on. You should not call that person an "uptight asshole"
Yes. I do understand that they are JUST words. But words have great power.
I believe that the use of the word "gay" to mean "stupid" implies that gay people are stupid. I do not believe that the person using the word actually thinks that gay people are stupid. That still does not make it right.
Yes, it's just a word. But the word bothers me greatly. Most women don't enjoy being referred to as bitches or cunts. Thay're just words though, right? Yet still, people respect the fact that women don't like it, and refrain from it.
"Gay" is just a word. Somehow that justifies it's use to mean "stupid". It shouldn't. It shouldn't be justified. I can't change the world. But I can certainly hope that if I ask specifically for certain people around me to change, they'll at least try. At least when they're around me. If they have any respect for me as a person, as a bisexual person that is greatly offended by it, perhaps they'll at least change around me.
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